Reflecting on a back2school party for 7 and 8-year-olds today. The Adult-child ratio was 4 to 1. To my happy surprise, this is the recommended Adult-child ratio for daycare and childcare centres in New Zealand.
The golden nuggets from today’s experience:
“Apply the same principles, tools and techniques as you have done as a Facilitator of group activities, Adeliah and see how that goes.”
Insights and takeaways aka gem discoveries:
Each kid was invited to set up the rules of engagement for their playdate before getting into any play. This is what they set as their house-rules for the day:
- ”Friends have to be kind and fair all the time”
- “No making fun of anyone…sometimes Devin says ‘lellow’ instead of yellow sometimes and some kids at school make fun of him and that’s not very nice”
- “No screen-time today but we can play indoors if it gets too cold”
- “We have to take turns and use the timer on your cellphone please so that we know when it’s time to have our turns”
Surprised? I was. I was super impressed with these little people too. I spent the rest of the day holding them accountable but… this happened twice in the space of 6 hours.
Here’s what holding 7 and 8-year-olds accountable looks like:
I facilitated a “friendship intervention”…
For starters I asked for a Volunteer — any one of the kids who would be willing to talk about friendship and feelings as a reminder of how important this is and as a reminder of the house-rules were (oh, by the way, they were told at the onset that this may happen). Devin volunteered. He said: “Friendship is about being kind and fair. You have hurt Levi feelings by not keeping to your promise to run slowly at the starting line” While Devin spoke I observed that he had his left hand behind Levi’s back and he was rubbing affectionately as he spoke. A trivial matter you may say, but don’t lose focus now. He spoke confidently and asked: “Who thinks Thomas needs to say sorry?”. No one replied. But just a few seconds later Thomas offered an apology. I asked if this meant that play could continue, to which Devin replies firmly: “yes, we’re all good friends again”. He was hardly through his reply when the rest chorused “yes!!” and “we want to play!!”
How “visible” was I throughout:
I have always felt that leading from the back and the sides are more important than leading from the front. It’s true that there are needs and times that call for leading from the front. I am happy and comfortable in that role too, but the results and the warmth and the insights are so much more, I’ve found when I’ve allowed a group to set their rules and hold each other accountable then I’m free to truly enjoy moments, capture pics, laugh along with group members and highlight the important things along the way.
Well where Levi has a blanket or a teddy that he goes to for comfort, I have my favourite blue armchair. I parked this old thing at the poolside and was practically invisible enough to be able to take a selfie… as proof. I didn’t need the comfort but the armchair vs garden furniture is a definite yes.
There you have it. Kids are little humans. They’re whole.
Gary Graham (my Leadership Coach twice upon a time) said to me in a phone call Coaching hour: “If you treat people as if they’re broken and need fixing then that is how they will show up. If you see your team and treat the members on the team as whole and capable and not requiring any fixing then this is how they will show up”.
You’re brave chirped one of the mum’s. Nope. I’m just equipped with some cool stuff and I miss engaging with people.
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